I feel a smorgasboard of mixed feelings lately. It's like every emotion that exists is up for grabs at some sick, twisted metaphoric buffet table. There isn't one but many.
Anxious. Nervous. Achy. Exhausted. Nostalgic. Insecure. Doubtful.
Everything.
Every test I take, all I can ask is, "What's the point? This test gets factored into a percentage, which gets factored into a course grade, which gets submitted into a computer system, which goes under a transcript, which can affect the future."
I cannot stand it when professors say that a low test grade isn't the end of the world but to me, it can be. Too many and it can be the end of a hopeful future. Sometimes I wish I can point out to the professor that it's not the end of the world because it's not your world anymore.
I talked briefly to Jason trying to put my finger on what exactly I was feeling. He offered the word, "jaded." Bulls-eye. I am jaded.
Sometimes I wish I can cry and purge every emotion, good or bad, out. Instead, I tell myself to suck it up. I remind myself that I'm 21 and should be able to take care of myself.
So life is hard. Who knew?